14 November 2007

My Rant: Curse You


I rarely would consider ranting about some personal topic... and there hasn't been any personal topic worth ranting about online or publicly for that matter.

However, this is my blog and as much as I'd like to keep it lively and in good spirits, I just need to vent out right now for my own sake.

I've encountered profanities from people who use it habitually like in telling stories with such emotion and I know that there isn't any intention of cursing being talked to. It's just a habit of some. I can live with that. I myself don't curse and don't intend to.

I never was affected by cursing. For me, it was just words said with emotion. I can look past that. I guess it's because I try to avoid conflict and try to approach it head on with reason. Also I know that I can utter words that are far more hurting with the content and depth of their meaning than the sheer gratification others attain from mere cussing.

I have never been cursed by someone directly to my face or at least that I'm aware of... until now. My stubborn, unreasonable, undeserving relative cursed me with a raised voice earlier. I wasn't supposed to be affected. Yet, coming from a relative, it merits weight... weight that you'd feel will penetrate your emotions and inner self.

I won't go into much detail... let's just say that this person has lived with us for years without having to pay for a single cent nor be required to do anything to help the household. Yet this person has no gratitude at all and worse, has a terrible addiction, making this person untrustworthy, deceptive, conniving, and untruthful to name a few. This person has a totally twisted form of logic and can be considered in an "unstable condition". I consider this individual a "loose canon", a "helpless soul", a "useless human being" and a "menace to society".

As much as I have controlled my anger and tried to use reasoning, this person has gone too far. I have hidden much anger when this person actively and enjoyingly tries to provoke my mom. I fear for my mom of having high blood which is why I need to be the calm one to appease her. However, earlier, I felt that I have reached my boiling point and even though I myself don't have any heart conditions, I actually felt my chest hardening from anger. I have never felt such negative emotion in my life, which is why I feel I need to pour it out.

To this relative causing much tension in our quiet household, I've stopped praying you change for the better because I have done so for so many years. Yet the depth of turmoil you cause this home is irreversible. You lie, you cheat, you steal. You cause chaos and scandal. You cause us grief and heartaches. You bring dishonor to our clan. You do not deserve the good life we provide you. You use people. You're pretentious. You are not worthy to be a relative.

God bless whatever soul you have left.
Reactions:

3 comments:

Aileen Apolo said...

My poor Sweetie. Don't worry much I'm sure it will end, hopefully soon. Hugs.

jaydj said...

Thanks sweetie. I feel better now. I just had to release all that emotion. Feeling is so weird now. No one is talking around the house. And it's such a small house that we're bound to bump into each other. It's also scary that you're not comfortable in the very place you call home and feel safe in. hayyy...

wary_of_scars said...

Gosh jay. Sobrang swak sa nararamdaman ko entry mo. I have a similar relative (although less grave naman mga offenses niya), and I have grown tired of praying that she grows up and change. I guess we all have our limits. Steady lang ha.

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